I done talked...

...a whole bunch with Shauna MacDonald of The Descent and The Descent 2. Now you- yes, you!- can read that interview right here at Pretty/Scary.


Now that I've interviewed her and Alex Reid, I've talked with my two favorite cavers from one of my favorite horror films. What else is left?

Ah, this Diet Coke!

5 sweet reveals

I'm cranky today. Therefore, I decided to post about a subject that makes me happy: great reveals in horror movies. I don't mean, like, when we find out that Mrs. Bates is actually Norman Bates (PS- spoiler alert) or a simple jump scare or something along those lines. I'm talking about movies that take their sweet-ass time revealing what, exactly, is killing all the pretty young things. Or what will soon be killing all the pretty young things. You know- the monster. It's all about anticipation capped with a mind-blowing holycrapdidyoujustseethat moment. Here are my five favorite examples in no particular order; you may disagree with my choices, but that's your beeswax. (PPS- more spoiler alerts)

Salem's Lot

I talked about this a bit in my review of the 1979 made-for-TV miniseries Salem's Lot oh so many moons ago- it's just that amazing.

Aside: this was made for TV. MADE FOR TV. Made for TV and it's got more scares than most of the crap at your local thee-ay-ter. The old days were better, etc etc.

Anyway, while there's plenty of vampire action and weird goings-on going on in the Lot, all everyone keeps talking about is "Mr. Barlow this" and "Mr. Barlow that". Who is this guy? Some shy, old antiques dealer? More than two hours into the production, we meet this Mr. Barlow, and...well...

Actually, "meet" is too gentle a word to use for our introduction to this mystery man. Suddenly, oh so suddenly, he's there- BAM, in your face like an edgy comedian or an energy drink. We may have suspected that Mr. Barlow was the king of the new crop of vamps floating and biting their way around town, but no one could have suspected he'd look like that, like your worst possible nightmare come to life. Not. Cool.

The Ring

I don't care what you say, I love The Ring. Certainly the waterlogged ghost-girl idea has become boring since this film hit in 2002, and there's no denying that the herky-jerky camera style has been overused in horror like an old man's handkerchief, but come on. When we were introduced to Samara all those years ago we were innocent! It was a novel concept! The endeavor was as invigorating as a York Peppermint Pattie with only half the calories (no, that doesn't make sense).

Anyway, The Ring. Sure, we see Samara a bit on the eeeevil videotape, and we see the results of...whatever it is she does to victims seven days after they watch said tape. But it's not until the film passes the 90-minute mark- not until we think everything's gonna be a-ok, that Samara has gone off into the light- that we see her in all her water-logged, stinky glory. It's bitchin'. No, we still don't really know what she actually does to people, but I don't really care. She crawls out of TVs, and that's all I need to know.




Oh, and when getting these screencaps I noticed that this...

...is a copy of The Craft. Thought you might like to know.

Alien

I don't usually find monster movies scary, but Alien is a huge exception to that. Part of the reason why the film works so well is because it keeps building and building- the crew of the towing vessel Nostromo faces an enemy that quickly adapts to its environment as it grows. We get a glimpse of the titular xenomorph more than an hour into the proceedings, when Brett (Harry Dean Stanton) heads into the bowels of the ship to find the tiny alien which burst from the chest of a crewmate just hours earlier. The alien is no longer a chestburster, though: it's grown into a hugely tall, drooling, dual-mouth-wielding, acid-blood-squirting badass. Yeah, didn't expect that.




In related news, I want to open a sci-fi-themed strip club called The Titular Xenomorph.

The Descent

Our plucky spelunkers of Neil Marshall's The Descent are pretty well fucked about 20 minutes in. After a section of the uncharted cave they're exploring collapses, they desperately search for a way out...and then stupid ol' Holly (Nora-Jane Noone) goes and injures herself, putting a serious damper on a decidedly crappy day. Oh yeah- and they're not alone.

Marshall gives us quick glances here and there, enough to let us know that there's something in the depths with the women, but we don't get a good look at the crawlers for almost an hour...but when we do, it's a complete shock. As their dire situation causes the women to begin to panic, their infrared camera pans around and a crawler is THERE, having snuck up behind them silently. Yes, I use "snuck" even though it's not a real word, because it sounds cooler than "sneaked". My tenuous grasp on the English language aside, the sequence is fucking brilliant, a highlight of the terrifically terrifying film.

The Texas Chain Saw Massacre

Holy crap, whaddayou know: Tobe Hooper is responsible for two out of my five choices!

In the first half hour of the film, a van full of teenagers deals with a lot of bad stuff- the unrelenting Texas sun, the crazy hitchhiker who brandishes a knife at them (and himself), Franklin whining and eating a sausage- but it all leads up to the horrors inside the isolated farmhouse that Kirk and Pam find. There's a generator running, but no one seems to be home...when Kirk heads inside to investigate, his curiosity is piqued by the squeals of a pig emanating from a strange doorway that's bedecked with animal skulls. Of course, it's not a pig- it's Leatherface. He appears in a close-up, and before we even know what's happening, he's bashed Kirk over the head and dragged him inside the mysterious room. He slams the door shut without a word, and it's on. It's absolute horror movie perfection.




So there you go, my five faves. I must say, I'm slightly less cranky now, having written about some of the best scenes horror has to offer...unless it's just the Thunderbird I've chugged while writing this. Either way, I feel so pretty!

the sads

My AMC column this week is all about characters in horror movies that I actually care for- those who, when they die, make me bust out a little "Aww". It's sort of a modified version of what the Mighty Arbogast started with his "The one you might have saved" blog-a-thon-ish-meme thing. I wouldn't necessarily save these characters- not like good ol' Barbra- but their deaths give me the sads. Check out my little list at AMC, which includes the likes of Eleanor Lance from The Haunting.

Actually, that photo should look like this:

I mean, I like Eleanor, but Theo's where it's at, baby!

Anyway, here are a few more characters I would have added to my list but didn't for various reasons:

- Helen Lyle (Virginia Madsen), Candyman
- Alice (Adrienne King), Friday the 13th Part 2
- Brenda (Laurie Bartram), Friday the 13th
- Bubba (Larry Drake), Dark Night of the Scarecrow
- Harry & Becky (Ted Danson & Gaylen Ross), Creepshow
- Ruth Mayer (Susan Hogan), The Brood
- Madame Mabel (Particia Hamilton), My Bloody Valentine
- Beth (Alex Reid), The Descent
- Barb (Margot Kidder), Black Christmas
- Fran (Heidi Martinuzzi), Ex

And you?

"Then he's still out there..."

Apparently Friday the 13th cleaned up at the box office, raking in more than $40 million over the weekend. If you added your hard-earned dollars to that total and you'd like to weigh in with your thoughts, well, here's a place to do it. Lots of opinions flying around. While everyone who disagrees with me about the film is obviously WRONG, I welcome your comments anyway.

Oh, and I don't mean to imply that only people who spent hard-earned dollars on F13 should chime in. Those of you who found a ten spot as well as those of you who sat on the sidewalk with a sign reading "Why lie? I want to see Friday the 13th" until you collected enough dimes to buy a ticket can play, too.

But Jason is so...so...three days ago, isn't he? Let's remain on the cutting edge and move on to the next wackadoo in the slasher cycle- Michael Myers! Yes, Rob Zombie's Halloween 2 is still going to happen, and here's the teaser poster to prove it:

Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Stacie, you must be wrong. Rob Zombie can't be making Halloween 2. Why, I remember reading right here at Final Girl that he wouldn't do it! Let's see...what did he say? Oh yeah...

I'm done. I did what I wanted to do, I came in and I made a movie that I thought was a self-contained film and now I'm walking away.

So see? Why are you lying, Stacie? Or are my eyes playing tricks on me?"

Dude, it's neither. He said that, and now he's making the movie. However, we should take into consideration that before he made Halloween, he also said (regarding remakes):

Those movies are perfect- you're only going to make yourself look like an asshole by remaking them.

I guess the lesson here is...well, I'm not sure exactly. Money is awesome, maybe? Never say never? Stop, drop, and roll? Eh. I can't say that I'm at all excited about H2, and let's just leave it at that.

However, you know what I am excited about? This teaser trailer for [REC]2.



I know the original film has its detractors...however, I ate that shit up and I'm ready for more. This embedding might not work; if not, follow this link to Shock Till You Drop to check it out.

In other sequel news, I guess there's stuff floating around in cyberspace related to The Descent 2. I'm ignoring all of it- no pictures, no interviews, no trailers, NADA. I want to go into that one knowing only that it exists. I don't even know when it's coming out. How's that for being an ignoramus?

So many of you answered this call for movie posters, thank you! You guys are "mad awesome" as the kids say. Alright, so no kid talks like that. The point is, they're swell and I'll be posting them this Friday. I know I said that I'd post them last week, but 1) I wanted to give Jason his day to shine all alone, and 2) I'm a liar.


One last thing: I got nominated for a fucking RONDO! I can't believe it. Seriously, I can not believe it...and man, I'm in some wicked esteemed company. Head here to vote- you can do so until March 21. Now I know what they mean by "it's an honor just to be nominated". I also know what they mean by the "Boltzmann Brain Theory", because I looked it up.

Hooray for everything!

scenes i love - the descent

wednesday nuggets

Over yonder at Ye Olde AMC, my column this week lists 10 horror movies you may not have seen, but you should. I'm pretty sure I've talked about each of them at one time or another here at good ol' FG, but as we all know, I'm nothing if not completely unoriginal. But go take a gander- who knows, maybe something on there will be new to you. Or maybe they're all old news to you, Little Miss Seen It All. Fine, get all uppity about it, why don't you? Go ahead! Put on this t-shirt and tell me to cram my list! I hope it makes you feel big!

In keeping with today's theme, which is "Totally Lists!" I'm going to bust out a meme for which I was tagged by Jason over at Invasion of the B Movies, wherein I'm tasked with listing a movie I like for each letter of the alphabet. I stuck with horror movies (go figure), and it proved to be fairly tough. For some letters- S and C, for example, I had a difficult time narrowing it down from a whole lotta nominees. For some letters, I came up with el zippo (seriously, what up Y? Q? X? Those are untapped markets, people!). In the interests of diversity, I tried- TRIED- to add a few movies I like but I don't necessarily yap about all the time. And let me reiterate: these are simply movies that I like, which doesn't necessarily mean they're any good. I've never claimed to have any taste!

Enough! It's time for less list talking, more list posting. I know you're peeing your pants with excitement.

That's gross, by the way.

A - Alice, Sweet Alice

This is, of course, on the remake block. I don't know...the killer's getup is amongst the creepiest EVARRRRR and I hope it remains. The original also has a nice layer of scuzz to it which I see going bye-bye with An Updatening.

B - I'd like to reserve this space for the as-of-yet-unseen The Boneyard, but in the interests of list-making, I'll have to say Black Christmas. It's just so damn good!

C - Carnival of Souls

This movie has come up at least 50,000 times in the last month, so it's fresh in mah noggin'. Fresh and creepy, just like Uncle Roy.

D - You probably think I'm going to say The Descent here, right?

Damn straight I am!

E - Evil Dead

F - Final Destination 2

I love sooooo many horror movies whose titles start with "F" (you can tell I really mean it because of all those "o"s I used), but in the end I figured I'd go with this little joyride of a movie. I can't wait for part 4.

G - Ghost Story

Why do I have such a soft spot for this movie? It's not that great...plus there's that early scene with the bad superimposed fall featuring Craig Wasson's private no-no parts- you'd think that would be a deal breaker. It's nice that Ghost Story features a beautiful and creepy Alice Krige, though, and not just a creepy and creepy Alice Krige, as modern movies do.

H - House on Sorority Row

Here's another one I like probably more than I should...but then, I have a weakness for movies featuring friends who keep a terrible secret which comes back to bite them in the ass. Hmm...guess that explains Ghost Story, too. Wow, what a fucking revelatory day!

I - Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978)

From Donald Sutherland's 'stache-n-'fro to Brooke Adams (I heart her!) to that ending, IBS rules. IBS does not rule, however, when it's used as an acronym for Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Not that I've ever suffered from that, but if you have...consult your local librarian for information that may help you. Or something.

J - Jacob's Ladder

Sublime.

K - Killer Workout

I know, I know, I know. Someday, I swear. For now, let's all just click here and get that song stuck in our heads.

L - Let's Scare Jessica to Death

Here's another movie that's been on my mind a lot lately...and not just because my VHS copy used to belong to Tori Spelling! Okay, maybe a little bit that's why.

M - My Bloody Valentine

The 3D remake is imminent. The best part of that sentence is the words "three" and "dee".

N - Night of the Living Dead (1968)

I just love this damn movie.

O - The Orphanage

I'm really digging Spain's output at the moment. This movie was far schmaltzier than I'd anticipated, but that's good. Unless you hate schmaltz. Which might make you a jerk.

P - Pieces

I don't know when, exactly, I became obsessed with Pieces but it happened and I'm just going to embrace it. Basstarrrrrd!

Q - I got nothin' for Q, homies. I did see a horror movie called Quiltface once, but it stunk and I can't justify including it on this list, although in some weird way I just did. I suppose if I'd seen Quarantine, I may have included that. But then I feel the need to include...

R - [REC]

...because it's so damn awesome.

S - Superstition

Wow, I had a hard time choosing for S. Up until I started typing, I'd intended to name Silence of the Lambs...but then, I'm a woman and it's my prerogative to change my mind! I'm also a bad driver and I'm simply terrible at math...but boy, you should see my shoe collection! This uterus is a blessing and a curse, I tells ya.

T - The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974)

Sometimes I think TCM is the perfect horror film. Sometimes I think about how I'd like to have a jetpack.

Those aren't necessarily related, I am just saying.

U - Unsane

Perhaps listing Dario Argento's Tenebre as Unsane is cheating, perhaps not. There's not a lot of U out there, so I do what I have to in order to get RESULTS.

V - The Vampire Lovers

No list of anything is complete without the addition of lesbian vampires. Seriously. Even a list of, say, breakfast cereals! That's right- don't forget "Lesbo Vampire Crunch", which appeared on the market briefly in 1971 before a coalition of angry parents acting "for the sake of the children" got it pulled from shelves. Boxes still turn up on eBay every once in a while.

W - Wrong Turn

Yay inbred cannibals! YAY I SAY!

X - ?

Y - Like I said...?

Z - Zombi

I'm citing this film for many, many reasons, the biggest of which may be that iconic "We are going to eat you!" Conquistador Zombie. When his big grody face appeared on the cover of Fangoria back in the day, it about blew my mind and grossed me so far out the fucking door...plus, this movie features zombie vs shark. Plus..."We are going to eat you!" is so made of awesome it's not even funny. NOT EVEN.

Well, that was fun. Thanks for the tag, Jason!

If anyone's got any suggestions for the letters for which I came up empty...please, let me know what I'm missing. For all I know, the best horror movie in the history of ever may very well start with Q.

briefs

- While you were sleeping, I went to see Disaster Movie and reviewed it for AMC. I think it was only because the hellish experience that was Demon of Paradise was still coursing through my veins that I didn't want to kill myself. So for that, I thank you, Demon of Paradise. Now get the eff out of my life forever! I seriously need to watch a quality movie before I find the nearest Grand Canyon and go all ten kinds of Thelma and Louise.

- Go visit my ol' pal Arbogast and check out his quasi-tribute to America's Next Top favorite caver, Beth, from The Descent. To avoid fainting, I must keep repeating, there are good movies out there...good movies out there...good movies out there...good movies out there...thanks for the reminder, Arbo! Beth rules and she rules hard.

- From the I weep for the children who are supposedly our future department: The Internets are all up in arms over the kinda sorta news that Vadim Perelman (The House of Sand and Fog) maybe kinda might helm the super possible Poltergeist remake. It's a fowl story, indeed, that Bloody-Disgusting has related. No one expressed their trepidation at the prospect more poignantly than commenter horrorchick81, however:

they need shot! y remake a GOOD classic horror/supernatural movie? who would star in it anyway everyone dies from them movies anyway bc of the poltergeist curse. there is noo way that this tupid ass remake will live up to the original even if they did get craig t nelson to reprise his role as stephen. anyone know what ever happened to that kid who played robbie in one an two?? i am soo signing it. never even seen house osf sand and fog so cant bitch bout the directer dude.

Verily...they need shot. And in case you were unaware of all the rumors of hauntings and curses surrounding the original Hooper/Spielberg production, horrorchick81 goes on to shed some light:

uh ya there is a thing as curse, how do you explain heather orourkes untimley/mysterious death??? the orignal cane/julian beck!? umm doninique dunnes (cant think of her name but she was robbies and carl annes sis in the first) death when she was strangeled by her boyfriend when i guess a friend/neighbor was litening to the poltergeist soundtrack?? taylor dying? that mysterious light when tangena got her pic. taken in the photograph?? to me that aint coincidence that is a curse so idk what u are talkin bout when u say there is no curses.

Maybe that's why I'm suddenly mired in bad movies when my week started out so well: there is a thing as curse. Who knew? I mean, besides horrorchick81, natch.

Now if you'll excuse me, I suddenly feel a burning desire to make some parse trees.

briefs

Dudes, Stuff on VHS Week will begin momentarily! Thanks to all who voted. I was hoping that VHS would come in first...and since hope is a wish your heart makes (or something like that), my heart was psyched to discover it won by 3 votes! Whilst I work on the inaugural post, here are a couple of things to tide you over:

- It's possible that I need to link to my AMC columns in a more timely fashion. However, you can go back in time and read last week's column by clicking this link! Such is the magical power of The Internet. It's kinda sorta about stuff that shouldn't be scary, but is- unexpected horrors and the such. You know, like Pee Wee's Big Adventure. What innocuous movie do you find frightening? Don't say Showgirls, because Showgirls is effing awesome...although I'll admit, the violent hot tub humping is rather scary.

- Recently I conducted a brief phone interview with Shawnee Smith, she of the Saw franchise, she of Summer School (I inexplicably love that movie), she of the music duo Smith & Pyle.

- Over at Shock Till You Drop, there's a big fat report from the set of The Descent 2. I didn't read it because I intend to remain blissfully ignorant, but I figured I'd pass it along. That's just how I am.

- For reasons unknown, I've been thinking a lot about the movie Pieces lately. I suppose I should just watch it again to get it out of my system. Here's a...well, I don't think it's a trailer, exactly. Featured amongst the clips, however, is the skateboarding into a big mirror sequence. It's radness.

Time to make the Wednesday donuts

"Do YOU have eight kinds of jelly donuts?"

People, people, gather 'round and listen to my tale of...

Gah, I have no idea where I was going with that. I'm not completely awake yet. But regardless, heed my words! There's a new column by Yours Truly over at AMC, and it's all about...uh, people gettin' ugly when they get possessed. Or something like that. It's noble work that I do, for sure.

It's also Ghostella day, huzzah! Behold three terrifying trailers! Finally, FINALLY I SAY, Don't Look in the Bureau! is almost a reality. Also, I say, Ghostella is going bi-weekly. While I hate to do it, the more relaxed schedule will ensure I can maintain my *cough* standards of (B-grade) quality as well as my sanity; it may also leave me some time to do other things, like watch some fucking movies.

Speaking of movies, Shock Till You Drop has posted the honorees for AFI's "Top 10 Films in 10 Classic Genres" and yes, I'm dropping from the shock because horror ain't listed amongst the honored genres. Yeah, horror has always been filmdom's bastard child, but come on. Grow some fucking sac, AFI. It would've been nice to see the scary stuff get some props; I mean, some horror movies are actually good, you know?

I'll open up the floor here as they did at Shock...which 10 horror films would YOU honor?

AFI

Psycho
Night of the Living Dead
The Texas Chain Saw Massacre
The Exorcist
Halloween
Nosferatu
The Haunting
The Silence of the Lambs
The Shining
Invasion of the Body Snatchers

FGFI

Shark Attack 3: Megalodon
Killer Workout
Dangerous Seductress
Creepshow
The Food of the Gods
Friday the 13th Part 2
April Fool's Day
[REC]
The Convent
The Descent

Both lists equally valid!

uncle

It seems that The Descent 2 is really happening. I mean, we all knew it would, but now that they're actually filming the thing and the first picture has been released, it's kind of a reality. Here's that first picture, by the way:

Not much to say, really, except that it coulda come from the first film- which I suppose is a good thing.

The latest news is that the entire original cast will be returning.

OMG, I totally feel ya, four eyes. The original cast, with the exception of maybe Sarah (Shauna Macdonald) is dead, n'est-ce pas? Oui! Therefore, welcome to Flashback Land. According to MyAnna Buring, who played Sam in the first film, we'll see some of the video footage that Holly (Nora-Jane Noone) was shooting during the first go 'round. Check out the blurb at Empire Online for...not much more info than that.

And with that tidbit and the photo, I'm calling it quits- not because I'm not looking forward to the film, but rather because I find myself getting those first twinklings of anticipation. I acknowledge that said twinklings could very well be indigestion, but I'm going to call them a begrudging excitement about the film. Sure, a sequel is unnecessary. Totes, I loved the first film a whole lot (as you may know) and the odds are against the follow-up being as good, but hey- it's been known to happen.

But why not look forward to it? Why spend the time writing bitch post after bitch post about it? What's the point? Why be an effing internet douchebag? It seems that they've stopped calling it The De2scent or The De2$$ent or The D22222222222222t or whatever the fuck they were calling it, which is clearly a step in the right direction. Life's too short to bitch about a horror movie that hasn't been made yet.*

And by "calling it quits", I mean that I'm done posting tidbits and set photos regarding this movie. I knew zip about The Descent going in beyond the basic premise- I can't recall whether or not I'd even seen the trailer. I only knew it had gotten great word-of-mouth and that I should see it. As far as I'm concerned, the less I know, the better. I've got the gist of the plot for this one, and that's all I need. So there.

So! I am officially declaring myself "greatly looking forward to this film, an attitude which I hope will eventually morph into pure excitement". I am also officially declaring, way far in advance, that The Descent 2 will be a Film Club Field Trip pick, as was the original film. So there again.

So, what'cha think? Looking forward to it? Looking forward to hating it? Don't care? Care too much? What's that smell?


*Tune in next week when I go off on the ridiculous notion that is the Platinum Dunes Rosemary's Baby remake!

diminishing returns

I try as best I can to shy away from posting useless news item after useless news item about films in production (or pre-production, as the case may be). Sometimes tidbits get me amped and I don't want to spoil anything for myself (see: Silent Hill), and sometimes there's simply an information overload as new, pointless minutiae is released daily on MySpace or something (see: Rob Zombie's Halloween). Either way, the less I know, the better- and speculation is just an exercise in frustration until you see the finished product.

Sometimes, though, you just say to yourself...COME ON.


Today, Bloody-Disgusting posted some (alleged) details about...sigh...The De2cent, the forthcoming sequel to Neil Marshall's caving-expedition-gone-awry flick you may have heard of before. I mean, it's not like I've ever mentioned it before. But anyway, back in the heady days of July the film was announced and I did a bit of ruminating on the plot possibilities:

Will another group of hapless cavers get trapped and eaten underground? Will a group of paramilitary commandos head into the caves to do battle with the crawlers? Will the crawlers emerge from the dark depths and wreak havoc above ground? Will they try to assimilate in a wacky fish-out-of-water style comedy? The possibilities are endless!

Rumor has it that the creators of The De2cent (man, I hate typing that) are taking the Aliens approach. Quoth the B-D:

Shauna Macdonald's character of Sarah returns as a rescue crew finds her and takes her back into the cave to find survivors - where terror ensues once again. We've also been tipped that in the sequel you'll get to see "little" cave monsters in action.

I just...I can't...I have to remember to breathe. Who knows what the film will be when all is said and done? Still...I have to say...I'm not terribly excited beyond the fact that Shauna Macdonald rocked the house in the first film and I'll be happy to see her on screen again. But...it kind of defies all logic, doesn't it? Even Ripley didn't want to go back into the fire- is Sarah, who's a tad bit completely cuckoo nutso at the end of The Descent, really going to return to the cave to look for survivors- especially considering that she knows that all her friends are dead and there are no survivors? Ah, well. Again, speculating like this is an exercise in frustration.

However, what little we know for sure doesn't bode well either, at least in my opinion. It was known from the get-go that Neil Marshall wouldn't be directing, but now it seems he won't be writing, either. And supposedly Lionsgate isn't interested in distributing the film, which kind of boggles the mind. Wasn't The Descent a success for them? Given some of the shit that Lionsgate does distribute, their turning it down is a big red flag. Yet again, speculating like this is an exercise in frustration, and we'll just have to wait and see. These tidbits, however, are leaving me decidedly unamped.

it's the end of the something and i something something

Wow, MySpace really is good for something besides glitter graphics and horny sluts! Neil Marshall has posted some beee-yoo-tiful behind-the-scenes stills from Doomsday, his upcoming armageddonflick, in his MySpace blog. When I say "beee-yoo-tiful", I mean "Gawsh, they shore are purdy".

You may remember me talking about Doomsday way back during that magical month called "July". Well, the film is finally almost here: it's due to be released on March 14. The trailer was recently released online, so now you can see what I was so excited about at Nerd Prom:

Doomsday first look

If I were a geek or, like, obsessed with The Descent or something, I might point out that yes, that's a brief glimpse of MyAnna Buring (one of the faboo Van Ney sisters) you may have caught. But...you know, I don't even care about The Descent so why would I bother to bring it up? It's not like I'm this guy or something.

Anyway. Doomsday. Can't wait.

awesome movie poster friday- THE DESCENT edition!

I was intending to do a 'posters from some of my favorite movies' edition, but when I came across 7 different posters for The Descent, I decided it should probably have its own special day. So there.









Thanks to JA (aka The Man) for that last one!

Le Year in le Review

My, my, my. As you may have noticed, 2007 is almost over...which, according to my calculations, means that 2008 is almost ready to begin. It's time for resolutions and year-end lists, huzzah! I've only got two resolutions this year: 1) Be more awesome, and 2) avoid anything having to do with Paul Reiser. You might think these aren't terribly challenging resolutions- not like your average New Year's rezzies such as quitting smoking or losing 300 pounds. Rest assured, however, that I will struggle throughout 2008 to reach these seemingly humble goals. I mean, as to resolution #1...I totally know what you're thinking: is it even possible for me to be more awesome? And regarding resolution #2...I'd say it'd be a cakewalk, but at some point I'll probably be struck with the urge to watch Aliens. What's a Paul Reiser-avoider/Aliens-lover to do? Life is full of difficult, difficult choices, and that will be no exception.

Now, don't you go thinking I'm not cliched enough to bust out a year-end list type post, because I totally am. Indeed, it's time for the...

Final Girl Year in Review Dazzling Spectacular Event of Note!

JANUARY: Ah, January...the cruelest month. The heinous-osity of the Black Christmas remake was balanced out by the first-ever Animals Run Amok Week as well as Children Hate You Week. The Film Club was but wee that month, but those of us who soldiered through caught the simply marvelous Daphne Zuniga-flavored slasher The Initiation. Wait, the cruelest month? I think I meant the coolest month!

• Review of the month: Black Christmas

• Quote of the month: "Thankfully, however, Cameron gets his Emperor Palpatine on and has a "spectacular" showdown with the demon in pure 80's Spencer Gifts fashion." - Cameron's Closet review

• Photo of the month:

FEBRUARY: Oh so short yet oh so sweet, looking back, I must say that February kind of rocked. I saw some films that filled my heart with glee and saw some films that filled (and continue to fill) my heart with rage (I swear to G.O.D., if I ever see you on the street, The Cavern, you'd better run for your life); the Film Club got all highbrow with The Exorcist; there was Defenestration Week, and my love affair with The Descent got all ten kinds of analyze-y.

• Review of the month: Gnaw: Food of the Gods 2

• Quote of the month: "I give it 4.5 out of 10 maybe next Piper Perabo and Lena Headey should team up in an antagonistic buddy-cop flick, where Piper Perabo plays a feisty, hardened NYPD detective who’s recently lost her partner in a shoot-out with a scum-sucking drug dealer and Lena Headey plays her new partner, an uptight British import. They don’t get along, of course, and Piper Perabo calls Lena Headey some name like “Buckingham” (for the Palace, natch) and Lena Headey will scold Piper Perabo for going against regulations and breaking the rules. Then the movie will kinda ripoff Ladykillers (starring Marilu Henner and Thomas Calabro) and the duo will have to investigate a series of murders at an exclusive Chippendales-style strip joint, that way there could be lots of musical numbers wherein screaming ladies wave dollar bills at breakdancing cowboys. Eventually the girls solve the crime and bag the perp, Lena Headey has learned something about New York bagels, Piper Perabo has learned something about clotted cream, and they’re not only partners but they’re also now besties. The film ends with a freeze-frame of a high-five and “Paradise City” by Guns-n-Roses starts blaring over the credits. Oh yeah, and they make outs." -The Cave review

• Photo of the month:

MARCH: Given that there are 31 days in the month and I only managed 13 posts, it's obvious that I've got a "fuck March!" kind of attitude. I'm don't exactly remember what my beef is with March, but I'm sure it was acting like a jerk or something. Anyway, quantity and quality are two different things, no? Oh, what a great movie-watching couple of weeks they were! The Film Club caught the supernatural war flick Deathwatch... Bubba totally didn't do it in the made-for-TV slasher Dark Night of the Scarecrow... Ed Neal and Marilyn Burns wore lots of eye makeup in Future-Kill... and blah blah blah.

• Review of the month: House of the Dead

• Quote of the month: "That’s got to be the most retarded showdown in the history of ever and I can’t believe it actually happened, but I saw it with my very own eyes." -The Hitcher 2 review

• Photo of the month:

APRIL: Holy frickin' crap, April was AWESOME. I met Marilyn Burns; Moustaches of Horror were on parade; Kari Wuhrer Mania '07 was in full swing; more animals were running amok than ever before; thanks to the Film Club I finally caught Prince of Darkness...in fact, with the exception of the death of director Bob Clark, I'd have to say that April kicked beaucoup ass.

• Review of the month: Nigh impossible to choose but one...but let's say The Swarm.

• Quote of the month: "I mean, you'd be surprised how often "I can smell your cunt" comes up in the course of a week." -from that post where I answered some questions

• Photo of the month: Man, this was hard to choose. April Fools? More like April RULES.
  

MAY: Oo-eee, May sure was craptacular...craptacular in the best way possible, that is. Between Slash Dance, Knight Chills, and Incubus (featuring the first and thus far only haiku review here at Final Girl), it's a miracle I didn't gouge my eyes out at some point. As we all know, however, generally my pain means your pleasure as the worst movies make for the best reviews. Thankfully that triple threat of suck was balanced out by my hearting Wrong Turn and catching some other decent flicks.

• Review of the month: Knight Chills

• Quote of the month: "Or maybe, just maybe, they'll fart fire like super cockroaches do!" -from the review for Frogs

• Photo of the month:

JUNE: June was a bit lame despite the fact that it marked the anniversary of my birth. Final Girl Super Secret Clubhouse Headquarters underwent a massive change and posting was a bit light. The Film Club managed to cram in a viewing of The Innocents, but other than that movie-watching was virtually non-existent. I did, however, manage to ruminate on vampires, Curtains, and other bloggers, which is totally...worth...something.

• Review of the month: Kiss Daddy Goodbye

• Quote of the month: "I mean, when the kids are, like, staring at each other for a few minutes and there's nothing else going on and the kids are all stare stare stare, it was...well, you might not believe it but it was, like, only the most totally fucking exciting thing I've ever seen in a movie and, like, my shirt exploded because I was totally Hulking out with excitement and the little scraps of my shirt caught on fire as they fell to the living room floor because the air was like electric with excitement, you know?" -from Kiss Daddy Goodbye review

• Photo of the month:

JULY: Boy, with the misery of June behind us all, July came on all guns a-blazin' and cracka-lackin'! I posted some facts about myself that the world was simply dying to know, I lost my San Diego Comic Con cherry, I interviewed Alex Reid, the Film Club watched Behind the Mask (which virtually everyone but me enjoyed), I made a traileriffic list, and more than 25 people participated in the Friday the 13th Blog-a-Thon. Man, I'm still wiped out from all that awesome.

• Review of the month: The Fog (remake)

• Quote of the month: "If a tree falls in the forest and only Helen Keller is around, does it make a sound?" -review, Silent Scream

• Photo of the month:

AUGUST: August may be best known as the month in which I survived numerous brushes with death, but looking back at it there was so much more! Awesome Movie Poster Friday was born, I reviewed a Lifetime movie, I interviewed a bunch of people, reviewed a bunch of stuff, and I met Adrienne freakin' Barbeau. Go, August!

• Review of the month: not quite a review, exactly...just my hopes for the inevitable Exorcist remake.

• Quote of the month: "Those movies are perfect- you're only going to make yourself look like an asshole by remaking them." -Rob Zombie

• Photo of the month:

SEPTEMBER: At long last, I officially indulged in my love affair with killer doll/puppet movies with Hello, Dolly! Week; it seemed as if there were 463598 Awesome Movie Poster Fridays throughout the month; I made up some movie titles, and the Film Club checked out Halloween, a film I'm still trying to forget. You take the good, you take the bad, you take 'em both and there you have September.

• Review of the month: Pinocchio's Revenge

• Quote of the month: "Then in the sequel they can all go to space and something something the love of a little orphan girl will save the world." -from a random post about Kelly Hu

• Photo of the month:

OCTOBER: I'll be the first to admit that last October sort of fizzled out. I started strong, reviewing some of my most favoritest movies at a furious one-a-day pace, but then...I got busy. And I had a lot of work to do as well. HA HA HA did you get my double entendre there? Anyway, what I lacked in reviews I kinda made up for in...other stuff, like some awesome Awesome Movie Poster Fridays, a sweet Film Club choice, and some choice interviews (umm...I talked to Elmuthafuckinvira, y'all) and stuff, including one wherein I entered the magical world of "video". October ended up okay, right? Tell me you still love me!

• Review of the month: Creepshow

• Quote of the month: "In space, no one can hear your complaints!" -review, Event Horizon

• Photo of the month:

NOVEMBER: What a month of dizzying highs and depressing lows! I hit Post #500, the Film Club kicked ass with the Lauren Tewes-flavored Eyes of a Stranger, Amicus Week rocked the house, and Lame Week unrocked it. Throw in some wicked mega-packed Awesome Movie Poster Fridays and you've got yourself one sweet-ass November chowder.

No, that doesn't make sense.

• Review of the month: Eyes of a Stranger

• Quote of the month: "The lesson here is, if you're going to be crazy and have a homicidal imaginary friend, you'd might as well have a homicidal imaginary friend who looks like Britt Ekland." -review, Asylum

• Photo of the month:

DECEMBER: OMG, I totally remember December as if it were still happening! Isn't that weird? I must confess, December has been one of those months where I haven't much felt like watching anything; in fact, I only managed 2 real reviews and one sort-of review during the entire month! What a jerk. Oh well. Maybe I'll make a resolution that next December won't suck as bad. Or maybe not. I do what I feel like- you don't own me!

• Review of the month: Dogs

• Quote of the month: "It is obvious to me now that Joan Van Ark died five years ago and no one bothered to tell her." -from a random post about Joan Van Ark, whom I still love, living, dead, or undead!

• Photo of the month:

Well, there you have it...my super duper Final Girl Year in Review Dazzling Spectacular Event of Note. I hope you had as much fun reading these last 12 months as I had writing.

I hereby promise* to totally flip out and make 2008 the best year ever here at Final Girl. Up yours, 2007!





*I promise nothing