vision problems

Yesterday I was tooling around in my car for one reason or another and I passed by a business with an ornate sign out front that read BEAUTIFUL HAMS. This made me very happy. Upon closer inspection, however, I found that the sign actually read BEAUTIFUL NAILS. This was a disappointment. What I thought I saw and what I imagined to be were so much more exciting and bizarre than the real thing. It's always such a downer when that happens- particularly with movies, as happened last night with The Nesting (1981). Sadly, yesterday was a day when none of my expectations were met. Well, except when I had a Diet Coke. That turned out pretty much as I thought it would.

I read this on the back of the giant clamshell box for the film:

Robin Groves stars as Lauren in The Nesting, a basheroo of a tale about a bordello that became a haunted house...Gloria Grahame is a madam phantom who leads a silky entourage of poltergeist prostitutes in their bloodcurdling day of vengeance.

and holy crap was I excited! 1981! Poltergeist prostitutes! "Basheroo"! I was sure- like, 10,000% sure- that I was about to watch the greatest movie ever made. Just like those BEAUTIFUL HAMS, however, this was simply not meant to be.

"I may be sick, but I am NOT retarded."

Lauren is an agoraphobic novelist from New York City who decides that a dose of country livin' is just the ticket to get her past her writer's block and her personal demons. She finds a strange octagonal house in the middle of nowhere, rents it, hears noises, has weird dreams, disrobes and fondles herself in front of a mirror, gets stuck on the roof, sees ghosts, and doesn't write a single word...though not necessarily in that order.

The Nesting still sounds awesome, doesn't it? It sure does...but it sure ain't. This film is one of those Tiffanies I talk about from time to time; it coulda been so beautiful, it coulda been so right. Unfortunately, The Nesting is a bloated affair that overstays its welcome by a good half hour and squanders any creepy sequences- and there are definitely a few creepy sequences- by...well, by being incredibly boring.

The idea of an agoraphobe being trapped in a haunted house is a good one, but then Lauren is only truly agoraphobic when the plot absolutely demands it- otherwise she's driving around, chatting with locals, and doing her thing. I always like a ghost story, and I thought I'd love a prostitute ghost story...but there's no consistency to these prosti-ghosts. They cackle and leave their high heels around the house, but to what end? Early on they help Lauren fend off the advances of a creepy handyman, but when Lauren figures out their story they decide they hate her. There's just no pleasing a spectral hooker, I guess.

Padding a film is never, ever a good idea, but The Nesting is filled with endless sequences of Lauren walking around the house doing a whole lot of nothing. There's even an interminable car chase, the highlight of which comes when you realize that there's only one tire-squealing sound effect and it's played on a loop.

That said, when The Nesting gets it right, it really gets it right. The octagonal house is indeed spooky, the few killings are well-done and a bit gruesome, and I'm always a sucker for creaky, creepy noises emanating from darkened corners. Somehow in the end, though, none of it adds up and the movie is nothing more than squandered opportunities. This bums me out even more than realizing that there is no store called BEAUTIFUL HAMS. Man, yesterday was a drag!

Better Than Naked

JSG sits in front of a beautiful collection of muted colors, created to bring out all our natural beauty. Usually we turn to Bobbi Brown for our "everyday woman" look and save MAC for the impact, going out, vamp look. But Mac has out-done themselves with their new N Collection (N stands for nude). You can wear these colors during the day, like Bobbi's, but the bonus is they have a little extra punch--kinda like wearing your favorite pair of jeans with a rockin' pair of heels. Our favorite of the bunch is the Nanogold eye shadow--it's pinkish-goldish and fantastic. Wear it as a highlighter near the brow or over the whole lid.

The standout lip colors are the N2, pale with gold tones, the N3, a rich, fleshy petal pink, and the N5, a transluscent plum-brown similar to everyone's old favorite Blackberry from Clinique. And both creme stick lip liners are standouts that look great with all the lipsticks, changing and complimenting each color. If you're a fan of the Lip Glass, you won't be disappointed either. Our favorites are the 3N, plenty of color to wear over lipstick or liner, or by itself and the AA7. (True story: When we wore it out to a bar recently, three of our friends borrowed it and it looked great on ALL four of us!)

One complaint: We would prefer if the colors had catchy names, which we think are easier to remeber than numbers. Though, when we mentioned this to our friend Julie from All About the Pretty at dinner on Saturday night, she disagreed, saying the numbers are easier to remember than the names. You tell us!

Available now at department stores, mac stores and on-line.

vote for me if you want to live!

Dear y'all,

Guess what? It's time for the 1st annual Splatcademy Awards, and little ol' Final Girl has been nominated for a "Spooky"!

The fine folks over at Dead Lantern have put Final Girl on the short list for "best horror blog or website not named Dead Lantern", which is just awesome. I think I'm the only true blog on the list, which includes such internerd heavies as Dread Central and Arrow in the Head. Now it's up to readers to download a ballot and vote vote vote, which you can do by clicking right here. Yes, there's a typo proclaiming my category to be "best horror blob...", but I'm trying not to take it personally.

Tell me I'm pretty!

You might be saying to yourself, "Wait, I thought Stacie had such a cavalier attitude towards awards- so cavalier that said attitude included cuss words- so what's with all the 'Wow, look at me, I think I'm so big'-ness now?"

Siiiiigh. You're partially right, of course, and I know exactly which cuss-filled award-hating rant you're referencing. If you remember correctly, though, my awards hate-on doesn't apply to awards potentially or actually given to me.

...I should probably point out that any time I win an award, it's totally and completely well-deserved, like when I won the French Award in high school. And no, unfortunately I didn't win the French Award in the Kissing Division- that honor went to Alisha J...that whore!

So there you go. Vote for me, if you want to. If you don't want to, then I hope you vote for Bleeding Skull, because Bleeding Skull rocks.

Vote now! Yay!

Like Seeing an Old Friend

Clinique was the first skin care line we ever used. Remember how carefully we all followed the 3 step program? Cleanse, tone, moisturize. Somewhere along the way (and it's been a long road) we lost our connection with Clinique. This product brought us back. It has a wonderfully smooth texture and it's very moisturizing, just perfect for our dry winter skin. We even used some on our cracked hands. Can't confirm that it has erased any lines; but it has left us with dewy,fresh, healthy skin, which is hard to come by this time of year (think pale and pasty). If it had SPF 15, we'd give it a 9 or 10.

Cost ? find it ?

Ready, Set, Book Your Ticket

Imagine this: a friend calls saying she hooked you up with a great deal at a 5 star hotel in Miami next weekend. All you have to do is book your airline ticket. Pretty sweet, right? We just got that call and it sent us into a flurry of computer searches: Travelocity, Orbitz, Jet Blue, Southwest Airlines. All promising to get you out of the freezing weather at home for $400+ (more than we'd like to spend on a quick two day trip). When all hope is you remember to check all combinations of the airports in our area and the two airports near Miami, and cross reference that with different date combinations (Friday to Sunday, Saturday to Monday, Thursday to Saturday). By this time you're so confused you can't remember which was the best deal; but one thing is certain- none of them was great.

Then there's a beacon, something called Spirit Air can get you down there for $250. You never heard of it, so you check out the reviews. One was literally, "Spirit Air is the worst airline in the world!!!!!" Feeling a little nervous, you go to their website where booking there saved an additional $50. It can't be that bad, right? Plus, there's something on the screen about big, leather seats. Just book it now, worry later. Important part is you'll be in Miami this weekend without breaking the bank.

Afterwards we spoke to a friend who said they'd used Spirit to get to the Caymans and had no problems. Good enough for us. Turns out they bill themselves as an ULCC (ultra low cost carrier) and service vacation destinations predominately. Cross your fingers.

Remember, even though Travelocity and Orbitz- type search engines offer the lowest prices, check the airline's homesite. You could get lucky and save yourself some $$- not quite enough for dinner at Nobu; but close.

awesome movie poster friday- the NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET edition!

1) I'm not the hugest Nightmare on Elm Street fan, but the Matthew Peak posters are among some of my favorites evarrrr- especially for the first and third films.

2) Renny Harlin directed The Dream Master? Huh. Whaddayou know.

3) I like the Japanese poster for the original film (3rd down) where Freddy is wearing a t-shirt with a pop art picture of himself on it.

4) Some of these images are courtesy of The Nightmare on Elm Street Resource Page- an exceedingly rad...err..Nightmare on Elm Street resource page.

5) For Freddy vs Jason posters, hit the AMPF FRIDAY the 13th edition.

6) I bid you good day.

On Our Radar: Super Bowl XLII Bound?

The only people we know who are going to the big game are on some type of corporate boondoggle, but in case you're lucky enough to be one of the chosen few, we wanted to share some of our recent posts on Scottsdale:

The Mondrian is all booked up, but it's worth it to stop by to check out Sky Bar or Asia de Cuba--especially to crash the Creative Artists Agency party where JSG fave, Cameron Diaz, is rumoured to be hitting. It's just too bad you won't get to peek inside their minibar.

Need a good place to eat? We found this awesome steakhouse. All booked up? Check out our friend Seth's blog, Feasting in Phoenix. He knowas all the trendy spots as well as those off-the-beaten path gems where you can still get a ressie.

When you're all pooped out from tailgating, head to the Spa Avania at the Hyatt Gainey Ranch for an energizing treatment.

Finally--cheer for the Giants! While our hearts will always belong to the Redskins, you gotta root for the underdog (which also happens to be our home team)! Editorial note: We JSG agree to disagree here: one will be rooting for the underdog, the other will be rooting for Mr. Perfect.