briefs

As we continue on our slow, inexorable march toward death, there are a few things we can be sure of. Pizza will remain delicious, Paul Reiser will remain irritating, Demon of Paradise will always be a terrible movie, and on Wednesdays I'll have a new column up over at AMC. This week, I posit thusly: What Ever Happened to Hag Horror?. Now, more than ever, it's a question of extreme pertinence.

In a show of solidarity with my column, last night I watched What Ever Happened to Aunt Alice? and I was wildly entertained. I must say, however, it's extremely difficult to watch someone beat the crap out of Ruth Gordon (my beloved Maude!) with a telephone, even if that someone happens to be Geraldine Page.

Onto other pressing matters! It's time to choose a Film Club Choosie! This time, it's up to you...sorta. I'm putting a poll up over yonder in the right hand column, and come Monday we'll have a winner. The nominees are...

SCHIZO

A face from the past shatters a young figure skater's marital bliss in director Pete Walker's grisly shocker. Samantha Gray (Lynne Frederick) is ecstatic about her upcoming wedding … until an unwelcome guest shows up to begin a crusade of terror: her mother's ex-lover (Jack Watson), who killed Samantha's mom 15 years ago as she watched. With Samantha's friends getting picked off one by one, can she stop the madman before becoming the next victim?

Pete Walker! 1976! It was in the running the last time I had a Film Club poll and it didn't win, so it's in the running again. Schizo is totally like Joslyn, who was on America's Next Top Model this cycle after auditioning more than 30 times. I'm not sure if that's admirable or wackadoo, but it's worth mentioning.

GRINDHOUSE

Yes, folks, I mean a Final Girl Film Club twofer: both Robert Rodriguez's Planet Terror:

El Wray (Freddy Rodriguez) and his ex-girlfriend Cherry Darling (Rose McGowan) fight an army of zombies infected with a biochemical weapon unleashed by a psychotic Army lieutenant (Bruce Willis) and an opportunistic scientist (Naveen Andrews).

and Quentin Tarantino's Death Proof:

Popular cult filmmaker Quentin Tarantino wrote and directed this high-octane thriller that stars Kurt Russell as a serial murderer who uses his revved-up car as a killing machine. After transforming his Dodge Charger into an indestructible weapon, Stuntman Mike climbs behind the wheel to terrorize a group of women on the road. Rose McGowan, Rosario Dawson, Jordan Ladd and Vanessa Ferlito also star in the ultimate road rage film.

Yes, I realize that everyone except me has seen Grindhouse. Mayhaps this will influence your voting, or mayhaps not.

So what will we watch? The choice is in your hands!

The film: ??
The due date: Monday, January 6

Go get your vote on! If not for me or for yourselves, then do it for Briefcase Woman.