He's baaaaaack...

You know, I really want to like Uwe Boll movies in a so-bad-they're-good kind of way. I really, really do. I've tried, believe me- I've seen virtually his entire catalogue. His films never cross the line from bad to so-bad-I-love-it, however, because for every minute of awesome suckitude there's 20 minutes of boring suckitude. If they could be a little less boring, I'd be clamoring to get my hands on his movies.

Regardless of the quality of the films, I do sort of admire the guy's moxie- he likes making movies, so he makes movies. Sure, he shits all over some established properties, but hey, he's having fun. I think his ego might get in the way of him ever truly becoming a modern-day Ed Wood, but that's all I'll say on that, lest he decides to beat me up.

You may recall my cartoon review of Boll's BloodRayne last year; the movie was terrible, but again, its biggest crime was that it was fucking boring...so boring that even Michael Madsen with a mullet couldn't salvage it. Surprisingly enough my cartoon review did nothing to stop the Boll-BloodRayne train- the teaser trailer for BloodRayne 2: Deliverance went up this week, and...well, see for yourself.

WOW! That is fucking hilarious. Let's all keep our fingers crossed that it's not boring...because that one minute of footage has hurts so good potential like nobody's business.

No, Kristanna Loken is not back as BloodRayne- the honor falls to Natassia Malthe for this go-round. And yes, those are cowboy vampires. Bloody-Disgusting has the rundown, but all you really need to know about BloodRayne 2 is summed up thusly:

The old west will never be the same again when Pat Garret, BloodRayne and the Brimstone posse ride into Deliverance for one hell of a showdown against Billy the Kid and his evil army of vampire cowboys. A tale of how the West was won, BloodRayne 2: Deliverance has intrigue, secret societies, Gattling guns, heroes, villains and vampires!

Sweet Jesus on a bicycle, that sounds awful. I just hope it's so awful I fall in love with it. Or maybe it will be simply awesome, who knows...I guess stranger things have happened, like that time I found a pair of underwear and $20 in a movie theatre.

In the meantime, should you be hit with a burning desire to mix cowboys and vampires- and I know you all will- I suggest throwing in a Deadwood DVD and reading a BloodRayne comic.

pencils by Mark Robinson, inks by me