call me Richard Dawson

If you've ventured out to places on the Information Superhighway besides my humble blog here, chances are you've come across one of those surveys or quizzes the internerds seem to enjoy posting and sharing with everyone. Come on, you know the ones I'm talking about. There'll be 99 absolutely fascinating questions like "How many cans of soda did you drink yesterday?" and "Do you like puppies or kittens better?", or an insightful quiz along the lines of "Which Eight is Enough character are you?" or "Which kind of bread are you?".

In case you didn't know, by "fascinating" and "insightful" I meant "not fascinating" and "not insightful". As a rule, I assiduously avoid both reading these things and engaging in them myself. One came to my cyber-mailbox today that I thought was a little OK, if a little dull. I'm going out on a limb here and I'm gonna answer these questions. If you've read Final Girl for any length of time you can probably guess my answers, but what the hell. You can even answer the questions in the comments section if you want to make this a sharing is caring session. And don't worry, I'm laughing at myself for answering these enough for the both of us. Now then...SURVEY SAYS...!

1.) Favorite Black & White Horror Movie Character?
Hmm. This is ambiguous...I mean, are they talking about black and white films so only one answer applies, or is this a race question and I need to give two answers? I guess we should assume the former. It's a tough question, really. There's no denying the delicious awesomeness of Rhoda in The Bad Seed, but then I'm totally in love with Claire Bloom as Theo in The Haunting ('63). Oh, and what about Johnny in Night of the Living Dead? I always like a smartass in a polkadot tie, horn-rim glasses, and driving gloves who turns into a zombie. Bah! Too many to choose just one.

2.) Favorite Horror Author?
Overall, probably Shirley Jackson. I quite like Brian Keene's work as well. I'm not terribly well-versed in horror literature.

3.) Freddy or Jason?
Crazy backwoods sack-n-overalls sportin' Jason by a wide wide margin.

4.) If you had to pick one which would it be?
A) Stay in a haunted house alone overnight.
B) Camping at Camp Crystal Lake
C) Swimming in the waters on Amity
Haunted house! Haunted house! I LOVE scary buildings.

5.) Favorite Cheesy Horror Movie?
Again, how can I choose just one? Can I really say that I love Killer Workout more than I love Sleepaway Camp II: Unhappy Campers? Is my love for Halloween III greater than my love for House on Haunted Hill ('99)? It's akin to asking if I like my left arm more than I like my left leg. Can't I have and love all my limbs?

6.) RingU or The Ring?
Call me an ugly American if you will, but I'd say The Ring. I'd say that even if it didn't feature Naomi Watts, so there.

7.) Alien or Predator?
Alien, doy.

8.) The more gore the better or a great storyline?
Guess what I'm going to say here! Heh. This question is a little apples and oranges, but umm...I prefer a great storyline. A gore fest with no story is a little...I don't know. It's just not what I dig.

9.) New horror, old horror, or classic horror?
What's the difference between 'old' and 'classic'? There's good and bad entries in all three categories, anyway. Instead of being a picky picky smartypants survey ruiner, I'll just go with "old"...while stressing that I am in fact young and hip and "with it", whatever "it" is.

10.) Sequels or Remakes?
Again, both categories have their winners and losers. Overall, I think sequels have a better track record.

11.) Zombies or Creatures?
What's a 'creature'? Aren't zombies creatures? Damn the vague-osity! I say all that knowing that zombies will always win for me.

12.) Best way to watch a horror movie?
In a wig.

13.) Favorite Horror Icon?
Real person: Adrienne Barbeau
Fake person: Michael Myers

14.) Favorite remakes or sequels?
Remakes: The Thing, Dawn of the Dead, The Fly, Invasion of the Body Snatchers ('78)
Sequels: Friday the 13th Part 2, Aliens, Day of the Dead (does that count?), Sleepaway Camp II, Halloween 2

15.) Movie that gave you chills or scared you?
Let's see...The Haunting, The Blair Witch Project, Event Horizon, Halloween, The Ring, Don't Look Now, The Brood, Ju-On...those all still get under my skin. Yeah, and the highly debatable The Exorcist. What's fun is remembering stuff that scared me to death as a kid- things like Track of the Moon Beast, Phantasm, and the poster for It's Alive. I mean, Track of the Moon Beast?? I'm still good at finding something effective in most every horror movie, though. Sometimes you can see the intent or there's a little flash of scary in mediocre movies, movies I love that aren't overall particularly frightening, or even outright bad movies. Not always, but sometimes you can find it...in films like Madman, Night of the Demons, April Fool's Day, or Just Before Dawn.

There you have it. Tune in tomorrow for the exciting results of the internet quiz "What flavor douche are you?"!