Final Girl Has Risen from the Grave

Just imagine...there I was, trapped underneath a pile of debris on the bottom of Crystal Lake. Damn that telekinetic Lar Park Lincoln and her resurrected father!

I thought that perhaps, finally, this was truly the end of me. I lay under that crumbled dock for weeks! Rotting! Stinking! All chained up with no one to love kill!

Lucky for me, however, a couple of horny teens came putt-putt-putting along the lake in their own personal Love Boat. Also lucky for me is the fact that there are high-voltage power cables running along the sandy lake floor! Even luckier for me- can you believe it? I should play Lotto, I swear!- the horny teens' anchor plowed right into that power cable!

With a mighty "ZZZAAKKK!!", I broke free from my chains (much like Wilson Phillips), rose up from the watery depths, and thanked the horny teens for their with the business end of my speargun. And no, silly, that's not a euphemism!

So I'm back...a wee bit waterlogged, a tiny bit slimy, sorta oozy...but back and better than ever! I'm a-puttin' on a fresh hockey mask and a-gettin' down to business.

Ki-ki-ki
Ma-ma-ma
Do-do-do
Re-re-re
Mi-mi-mi