And yes, I said The Hot Chick. I can't help myself, I think it's funny. Well, it's not entirely funny, but the parts that make me laugh really make me laugh, so I like it. Listen, I bet you secretly like some piece of shit movie, too, so don't act all big because I like The Hot Chick.
Ahem. Speaking of piece of shit movies, let's cast our insecurities aside for a moment and discuss Lovers Lane, shall we?
Like any good and proper slasher film, Lovers Lane opens with a prologue set during a holiday: Valentine's Day, to be exact. A couple is killed whilst in flagrante out on...you guessed it...lovers lane by a cuckoo nutso with a hook for a hand. The dude is caught immediately and taken away to an insane asylum.
Cut to 13 years later, and Valentine's Day approaches. An exclusively whitebread sampling of horny teens gets into wacky teen hijinks and they decide to head out to lover's lane...or something, I think. It was all a little vague. The point here is that Jannelle (Faris) must really like being a cheerleader, because she wears her uniform throughout the entire film, both in and out of school.


Before he left the hospital, though, Good Ol' Hooky left a chilling message written in blood on the wall. C-H-I-L-L-I-N-G, I say. Seriously. You might want to have someone with you when you look at the screen cap below, you know, to hold hands with or something because you'll be scared to death. I myself was terrified. Even looking at it now makes me a tad uneasy...

Good Ol' Hooky heads back to his former killing grounds to...uh, kill the horny teens. Man, forget Michael Myers...this dude should be called The Shape. Throughout the film, he was always hiding in the background, just out of sight. He was so inconspicuous, no one really knew he was there. It was like you thought your eyes were playing tricks on you- "Wait, was that the killer I just saw? No...no, it couldn't have been. Must've been a shadow." Talk about scary!

In addition to the ludicrous-yet-boring story, the film is also horrible to behold. I don't know whether or not I simply got a poor DVD transfer, but the sound levels fluctuated wildly throughout (the TV would have to be turned way up for one scene, then I'd be deafened in the next) and there were times that the darkness onscreen was impenetrable. Can you figure out what's going on in this shot? Hint: there's nudity!

Another highlight, and perhaps my favorite part of the film, occurred when Jannelle got really scared and decided to arm herself...with four knives. I have no idea whether or not it supposed to be intentionally funny, but it was awesome so I'm going to assume that Anna Faris decided to do it all on her own.


But then, what do I know? After all, I like The Hot Chick.
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