I like those odds!

Here's a handy chart that will make you paranoid or will set your mind at ease: your odds of dying in various ways! Hooray! Click to enlarge! Hooray again!

I read that chart and thought two things:

1) My chances of dying by legal execution are much higher than I ever thought they were. See, I'd been living my life in a way that I thought would ensure that my chances of dying by legal execution were...well, zero. Having discovered that in actuality my chances are 1 in 62,648, I guess I'd might as well throw caution to the wind and do whatever I want. This means I'll finally be able to settle the score against Rue McClanahan once and for all.

2) The chart is missing some very important data, such as...what exactly are my chances of dying in a zombie holocaust? I must know! I voiced my concern on The Internet and my pal and Fenton & Fenton, Boy Detectives co-conspirator Kevin Melrose suggested I re-do the chart with more pertinent information...the odds of dying various horror movie deaths. I always do what Kevin tells me to do, and so I present to you people...the odds of dying various horror movie deaths:


I'm not sure how I feel right now. Sure, chances of dying like Ally did in Sleepaway Camp II are pretty low, but geez...given the odds, there could be crazy inbred cannibals living right on my block!